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To Mom

I ached for your love all these years
And waited for you though all my tears.
The arms that should have held me close
And the heart that should have loved me most,
Never even noticed when I was near.
It was just me with all of my fear.

Life broke my heart so many times,
I just needed you to read my signs.
Our home was gone before I knew,
Then my sister and my grandma too.
All I had was hurting, and still no you.
It was hard, finding my own way through.

Eventually, all my tears ran dry
And I began to wonder, “why try?”
I begged to take my sister’s place
And began to crave deaths warm embrace.
Yet still, you chose to be oblivious
‘Cause loving me, was too tedious.

There was so much pain inside me.
If only you’d been willing to see,
You could have shown me how to grieve,
But instead, underneath my sleeve,
The pain of my heart became visible.
What I did, was unforgivable.

And then one day you threw a fit,
That was when I started to get it.
You told me I was so selfish
That it had become your greatest wish,
For me never to have been born at all.
Only you could make me feel that small…

It took all I had to survive,
But now it is nice to be alive.
I asked you once, your reason why
You wouldn’t hold me, to help me cry…
Turns out it was all my fault after all,
‘Cause I wasn’t very lovable.

You showed me I was naught but dirt,
It was a nasty scar that you burnt.
Now I’m working hard everyday
Being me and learning how to play.
Thanks, mom, for showing me how not to be,
It has actually set me free.


About jaynejackson

I write, because if I didn't, my head would simply become too clogged with ideas and thoughts to function. I'm a bit quirky and in real life I tend to be quite blunt. Most of my writing tends to end up semi dark, but sometimes you can't really control where the story/poem takes you. I write for myself, but I sincerely hope that you'll find some enjoyment in my writing as well.

2 responses »

  1. Amazing!! Love your writing!

  2. I can relate to the author’s pain which she has expressed so eloquently. My own mother was a selfish model who only cared about appearances and social status. Realizing that your own mom never really loved you or bothered to protect you is devastating. One never comes out of that the same.


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